You can either hear a recording of this thought and meditation or read it yourself. The script for the meditation is provided below for use at the seder.
בכל דור ודור חייב אדם לראות את עצמו כאילו הוא יצא ממצרים
“In every generation, a person is obligated to see themselves as if they left Egypt.”
A Thought:
The Sefat Emet points out that there is a contradiction between this statement, that we should “see” ourselves as having left Egypt, and the verse that is quoted later in the paragraph, otanu hotzi misham, “God took us out of there,” which implies that we were in actual fact redeemed, not that we have to just “imagine” or see it that way.
The answer he suggests is that this is how we get there – we become redeemed when we see ourselves that way. Imagining, believing in the possibility of our own personal redemption, is the way that we activate what is in some way already true. The power of faith, of believing it is possible, is what enacts it, or reveals it, inside you.
A Meditation:
בכל דור ודור חייב אדם לראות את עצמו כאילו הוא יצא ממצרים
“In every generation, a person is obligated to see themselves as if they left Egypt.”
On this night we are asked to try a little internal experiment – to see ourselves as if we have already left Mitzrayim, as if we have already left our narrow places, our straits and our constraints, to imagine ourselves into freedom.
We can start by identifying what our current Metzarim, or narrow places, are.
Beginning physically, scanning your body from your head down to your toes, taking note of any places that are tzar, narrow or tight, where you are holding tension, perhaps the head and temple area, around your eyes, your jaws, your mouth, your neck and shoulders, your back and inside as well, your chest and belly, noticing how it is in each place, becoming aware of any areas of particular tension or tightness or pain, just noticing, continuing to scan, your arms and hands and fingers, your thighs and lower legs and your feet, feeling for any ache in the soles of your feet all the way to your toes. Noticing these physical Metzarim without judgment or despair, just a tender awareness of how it is for you right now.
Moving on to the emotional plane, asking some open ended questions, no need to have answers – what are my current and habitual places of tightness, control, holding and stuckness, my internal shackles? What are the ways that I constrict and close up against my own freedom? What are the ways that I sustain my own suffering through fear and constriction and resistance? What are my constraints to an open heart of love, connection, compassion and joy? What are my constraints to fully inhabiting myself, the ways that I fight against myself and hold myself back? How has my view of reality been narrowed and limited to the exclusion of what matters? Letting those questions wash over you, not expecting to find specific answers necessarily, but allowing the questions themselves to penetrate, like seeds in fertile ground, and to do their own work.
And maybe in this moment, getting a sense of the whole picture of yourself as an embodied emotional spiritual human being with fears and constraints and pains and tension and narrowness, all the ways that we hold back and control and resist the life that wants to surge through us, the sense of ourselves sometimes as a clenched fist and heart.
בכל דור ודור חייב אדם לראות את עצמו כאילו הוא יצא ממצרים
“In every generation, a person is obligated to see themselves as if they left Egypt.”
Experimenting with seeing ourselves as already having left these tight places. Already having left. Envisioning all the tension and tightness in your body and soul as extra layers of heavy clothing that you can take off, that you can physically leave behind, or imagining all those tight places as locked doors that you can now easily open and leave. Shedding the extra armor, the heavy weights, and opening the door easily, stepping out and feeling the fresh air, the world and God beckoning to you, waiting for you, wanting you to be free. Really feeling into this possibility in yourself, the possibility of leaving, of having already left, feeling into that inherent possibility written into your soul, the possibility of real freedom, allowing yourself to taste it. It’s ok if there are parts of you that are nervous, that don’t want to let go of the constraints. Wrap them up lovingly and bring them with you through the door. Let them know we are just tasting this, trying a little experiment for this night, for this moment in time, an experiment in freedom. What would it feel like to live without these constraints, without this tension, without this incessant holding back and resistance, without this narrowness of vision?
Imagining yourself immersed in a warm bath, like a mikvah, the warm bath of divine compassion and love that is actually always available to you, feel how the water relaxes all parts of you and dissolves all those Metzarim, all the places of tension in your body and spirit, scanning again, and letting the warmth relax the different parts of you, letting the tension in your head and jaws and neck and all your muscles dissolve in the water. Maybe imagining all the tightness as a clenched fist and watching it unclench and open, seeing your whole body and spirit that way, softening, relaxing and opening.
It’s not just that there is water surrounding you. You are made of water, there is a river of warm light that flows through you at all times, a healing balm of sacred energy. Sensing that essence in you and letting it permeate to all corners of your physical body and to all the suffering emotional parts of you, letting them feel that warm energy, soften, let go and be free. Not making any effort to make this happen. We don’t do this ourselves; we are taken out of our constraints by a larger force that wants to work through us. All we do is allow it. Trusting and allowing the openness and expansion that is your essence, the divine essence, merkhav yah.. Tasting this sensation even if for just a millisecond. For this precious moment, you have left the straits, the worry, the fear, the holding, the not trusting. You are free and whole and fully yourself. You are unencumbered. Inhabit this place, immersing yourself in this possibility of who you are.
As you begin to let go of the practice, notice how it was for you without judgment. Maybe it was hard, and you remained in your Metzarim, in your narrow places, in your suffering, and that’s ok. Spending a moment even entertaining the possibility of imagining yourself in a new way is healing and redemptive. Consider the possibility that this relaxed, open, unencumbered freedom is who you really are, already free, with loving divine energy flowing through you. The first step is imagining ourselves into that reality.
Photo by Bayu jefri at Pexels
