In difficult times, our energy tends to get scattered and our focus, exclusively outward. But in such times, there is an even greater need for us to be well resourced internally so that we can hold the difficulty and act from this higher place, from the deep well inside us . Parashat Breishit offers us some insight and inspiration as we do this inner resourcing work.
Ayeka Take 1: Where Is The You That Can Hold This?
At a difficult moment in the Garden of Eden story, after Adam and Chava have eaten of the forbidden fruit and become ashamed of their nakedness, God calls out to them: Ayeka. Where are you? In the midst of pain and suffering, this is the divine invitation: Ayeka. It doesn’t mean – where are you, why haven’t you done all the external things in the world to fix this problem. Adam and Chava have tried that: they made themselves little fig leaf belts to cover their nakedness. No. Ayeka is an existential call. It means: Where are you in relation to yourself and to Me, God? Are you fully here and present, bringing your whole self to the crisis? Or are you distracted and scattered? Where are you, the you that can hold all this suffering? Where is that higher Self in this moment? Can you access that Self right now, bring it to bear right here, in this difficulty? Don’t run away. Stay here, God is saying. We need the fullness of that self for this difficulty.
How do we do that? How do we come into ourselves in this full way? How do we answer the ayeka call and become present when we are scattered, overwhelmed, distressed, and anxious?
Account of Human Creation As A Guide
I want to look at the second account of the human creation story as a resource for this kind of coming into presence. The Torah says: וַיִּ֩יצֶר֩ ה’ אֱלֹקים אֶת־הָֽאָדָ֗ם עָפָר֙ מִן־הָ֣אֲדָמָ֔ה וַיִּפַּ֥ח בְּאַפָּ֖יו נִשְׁמַ֣ת חַיִּ֑ים וַיְהִ֥י הָֽאָדָ֖ם לְנֶ֥פֶשׁ חַיָּֽה׃ “The Lord God formed the Human from the dust of the earth. God blew into the Human’s nostrils the breath of life, and the Human became a living being.” We are going to unpack this verse and take it as a step by step guide to becoming present, to answering the Ayeka call.
Made of Earth
First, “The Lord God formed the Human from the dust of the earth.” Your own physical body is made of earth. You are connected to the ground, you belong here on earth, you are literally from here, made out of the ground that is beneath you, that we walk and lie on, that holds us up. You are never floating or ungrounded. Let all the restlessness and worry in you feel that essential groundedness of your body, how you are held by this strong sturdy force, how you are made of this strong sturdy force; you carry that with you wherever you go and whatever happens. You are of the earth, grounded and strong..
Formed by God
You are made of earth, and it is God who lovingly formed you out of that earth. You may dislike parts of your body, but perhaps you can still sense the tenderness with which this, your own physical body, was created, carefully shaped by God, like a potter working with clay.
God Is Breathing You
Vayipah be’apav nishmat hayim. God blew through the Human’s nostrils the breath of life. We are not just breathing but being breathed. God is breathing you, at each moment saying to you – I want you to live. I believe in you. In this moment, I choose again for you to live.
Becoming Alive
Vayehi ha’adam lenefesh hayah. And the human became a living creature. This divine breath awakens you, sending a radiant life-giving energy flowing through your body all the way to your tingling fingertips and toes, renewing your strength and life force. You were formed and breathed, and now you fully inhabit your body. You are here. You are alive.
This is the first step in our response to the divine call of Ayeka. I am here, alive, in my precious body, connected above and below, to the earth and to the sky, to ground and to God. Hineni. Here I am. In my body. Yes, there is a crisis, but even in this difficult moment, I can pause to arrive here in this precious body and life force that God is continually giving me. It’s okay to be here. We can take the time to be here, even, or perhaps especially, amidst the chaos of distressing events.
Ayeka Take 2: How Are You Feeling Right Now?
Once we are grounded, we can proceed to the second aspect of Ayeka – where are you, meaning where are you at, what exactly are you feeling at this moment, what’s happening inside This, too, is the divine invitation in a difficult moment. We tend to hide from what we are feeling, like Adam and Chava in the garden, but God calls to us, saying – no, come on out, feel what is here. Where are you exactly? Don’t run away. Be present with what is here now.
The invitation is to undo the belt of restraint that Adam and Chava donned, to gently unlock the doors that bar us from feeling, and to open ourselves like the sukkah we just sat in, opening ourselves to whatever is inside us right now. We have all been witness to so much pain and suffering this past week. Allow yourself to feel however you feel in relation to it, whether it is sadness, anger, fear, grief, confusion, despair, or even numbness or self condemnation for not feeling the right feeling. The question is: Ayeka – where are you right now. Unlocking the belt and being the wide open sukkah, inviting in all the guests, letting them be here, and breathing with them.
The Divine Aura That Helps Us Hold What Is Here
And as you welcome whatever is here inside you, remember who you are, that God is with you, a part of you, that you are not holding these feelings alone. The sukkah represents for us the divine aura that is always around us, helping us hold whatever is here. Indeed, Adam and Chava received their own sukkah-like divine aura at the end of this episode as God fashions for them kutnot or, garments of skin, or some say, garments of light. We are wrapped in the sukkah, wrapped in these divine garments of light and of skin, and it is this divine aura that helps us to hold what is difficult. We become a divine vessel for the feelings that have come to us, like little angels, or perhaps beggars, looking for a home.
Holding the Pain of the Wider World
And perhaps we also become a vessel for the difficult feelings arising in the wider world around us. We can expand our sukkah — just as much as feels comfortable, remaining aware of our own limitations — and open ourselves up to whatever needs to be held right now. We can become an ezer kenegdo, a helper that is kenegdo, resonating, reflecting, attuning to the pain of others and offering that pain, too, some respite inside us. Kol demei akhikha tzoakim likha min ha’adamah. The cry of the blood of your brother is calling out to you from the earth. Maybe we can take just a little bit of that cry — interpreting “brother” as narrowly or as expansively as feels right to you — and offer it a moment’s refuge inside us.
Holding God’s Pain, Too
There is another suffering that perhaps also needs our holding, and that is the pain of God watching our human suffering. The parsha ends with God looking on at human violence with deep sadness. Vayitatzev el libo. God was saddened in his heart. Can you sense that in the universe right now, too, God’s own great sad heart? Can we offer that, too, a little refuge inside us?
Ayeka? Where are you right now? In times of crisis especially, we need — it helps us and energizes us — to stay present and grounded, not to hide or disappear, but to be here, aware and in touch with what we are feeling and aligned with God and our highest selves, so that we can bring that inner resourcing and strength to the difficulty.
Lo tov heyot ha’adam levado. It is not good for a person to be alone. We don’t do this work alone. We each bring our own presence to the collective, strengthening each other and creating a vast circle of care for ourselves and each other and for all the suffering that needs holding right now. We are each a part of this circle, each both holding and being held.
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