The five daughters of Tzelafchad, Mahlah, Noa, Haglah Milcah and Tirzah, come before Moshe and say – our father died and did not have any sons. Why should he not inherit any land? Give us, his daughters, his inheritance in his stead (Numbers 27:1-4). Moshe does not know how to respond and so he turns it over to God and God says – ken bnot Tzelafchad dovrot. Yes, the daughters of Tzelachad have spoken correctly (Numbers 27:7). Yes to them,yes to their claim, their entitlement, their voice.
What They Were Up Against
It all ends well, but I want to go back and consider the forces these women were up against.. The Torah details all the people that were there when the women came forward – Moshe, Elazar the High Priest, all the nesi’im, the chieftains, as well as the entire assembly, kol ha’edah (Numbers 27:2). Imagine all those eyes upon you and the pressure of all those important figures, the sense of their authority and judgment weighing on you, as well as your concern for the opinion of the wider community. Notice that all the authority figures are male. Coming forward and speaking this way, making a claim, was not a normal thing for women to do. In the entire book of Numbers, we don’t hear a single woman speak other than here. The norm for women is to be silent.
Conditioning To Silence
I wonder if you can feel the weight of that conditioning into silence. Women and men both, I believe, we have all experienced it to some degree, a squashing and shutting down of something elemental inside us, the silencing of a deep primal voice that says – I have needs and I matter. I have a right to be here, too, to take space, physical and emotional, and not to disappear or be disappeared. I, too, have a voice and a part in the group.
This is the claim that wants to be spoken – shouted into the universe at times – but there is so much conditioning into silence and disappearance, the sense of being pushed into the shadows, less important. We have our own inner parts that have been trained to shut us down, too, to shut down our voice and our confidence, to make us doubt ourselves and our truth and our right to speak and take up space. The voice that says we don’t deserve it, that we are asking for too much, who are we to ask for such a thing, that we are wrong to have this need, this opinion, this feeling, this truth, this deep yearning to be seen. The voice that negates us at every turn, belittling and denigrating us as we attempt to step forward, shoving us back into the corner, making us small, keeping us small and our voices timid and unsure, insecure, ending each sentence with a question mark, you know what I mean?
The X Part
I sometimes feel that there is a force in us that does not want us to fully manifest ourselves, to stand to our full height and speak our truth into the world. It is terrified of this possibility and constantly works to thwart our growth. I’ve heard this called the X part (from the therapist Phil Stutz), the part that tries to x us out. It is a kind of anti-life force, fundamentally opposing us, trying to shame and frighten us into collapse and retreat. On some level, I do believe that this x part means well, that it wants to protect us by keeping us small. After all, if you keep your head down, you won’t be shot at, you stay out of danger.. But the thing is that if you keep your head down, you also will not shine and blossom into your full flowered self in a world that desperately needs your particular light and contribution.
Daughters of Shade and Fear
The daughters of Tzelafchad surely had such an X part that did not want them to speak their mind. They were, after all, the daughters of Tzelafchad, a name made up of two words – tzel and pachad, shade and fear. These were the daughters of shade and fear, daughters of hiding, of cowering in the shadows, feeling the fear of stepping forward, trembling and unsure of their voices. Can you feel your own daughter of shadow and fear, the one who hides in the corner of the closet, too frightened to come out, stuttering and trembling and wanting to disappear, so unsure of herself? Can you imagine how this little girl might feel as she approaches the Israelite assembly to express her needs?
From Within the Fear, Courage
The thing is about troubled parts that in their suffering they are in a way always asking for what they need to heal and grow. If we listen carefully, we can hear them asking for and drawing down the exact opposite energy of their difficulty. It’s as if they hold the key to precisely that energy, the energy that would most heal them. And so these daughters of fear and shadow, these places inside us that tremble and are full of self doubt, they actually have hidden inside them, deep under those layers of fear and shakiness, they have nestled inside them, like a seed inside a fruit, tremendous courage and strength. Vata’amodnah. The daughters of Tzelafchad stood up (Numbers 27:2). The daughters of fear and shadow stood up. Can you feel into that in your own fearful parts, going back to that little girl hiding in the closet, seeing her and loving her and knowing that she, too, has the capacity to stand strong, that it is precisely this strength that her fear is asking for inside her. Can you feel how the fear actually holds the key to courage, is asking for, is drawing that out in you and in her?
See her there in the closet again, feel her reclaim her space, uncurling, stretching her arms and legs, tentatively opening the door, peering out, stepping forward, first timidly and then more fiercely, stepping forward into the light and standing tall. Vata’amodnah. Stretching to her full height and standing strong and tall now, legs firmly planted on the ground, like tree roots, perhaps arms up in a power stance. I got this, her stance says. The shaking fear has somehow, miraculously, turned into courage. Maybe it has always been courage in disguise. And now we have unleashed its true form, its divine essence, the kernel of strength that lay hidden inside, and it is glorious, she is glorious, standing there strong, even if she occasionally still shakes and shudders and sputters, like a swimmer coming out of the sea onto dry land, finding her ground.
God Says Yes!
God rejoices when we do this work, when we reclaim our space and our voice, our strength and our confidence. Oh, how God rejoices! We get an inkling here of God’s enthusiasm with the word ken, yes, in response to the daughters of Tzelafchad. It’s as if God is dancing with the angels in celebration. Yes! This is what I’ve been waiting for! For you to claim your truth, your voice, your space, your right to exist. Yes, God says! Bring out the balloons! Bring out the instruments! Today someone has reclaimed their voice. Zeh hayom asah Hashem, nagilah venismichah bo. This is the day that God has made, let us exult and rejoice on it (Psalm 118:24).
Sometimes our experience is that it is only God who says yes to us and celebrates this strong stance, this new confidence in us. Sometimes the inner and outer world may continue to try to silence us and make us small. And that’s ok as long as we can stay tuned to the steady sound of the divine ken, the divine yes, reverberating inside us, letting that yes strengthen and support and nourish us in our journey of self realization. The world may say no, and the internal doubters may continue to denigrate, but God says yes.
Yes Answers the X Part
This divine life affirming yes is an answer and an antidote to the x part that tries to take us down. Once again, it feels almost like the x part is asking for precisely this divine yes. In tearing us down, it is begging for something to come and retrieve us, affirm us, love us into loving ourselves. The x part actually leads us there, shows us the way, begs for this other energy, for us to open to the divine ken. In a way, if we allow it to, maybe the x, too, can be transformed into a yes, melting into that divine flow of positivity and affirmation. They are tied, those two, the no and the yes. It’s almost like the divine energy of ken, the life affirming yes, can actually swallow up the no’s, just as Aharon’s serpent swallowed up the Egyptians’ serpents (Exodus 7:8-12), just as love can swallow up hatred and turn it, too, into love.
What would that divine yes feel like inside of you? Bringing into consciousness all the negative chatter in your head, sometimes quieter, sometimes louder – what it tells you, what it notices about you, how it only notices the bad things, makes them large and overwhelming, beats you up with them, replays them, turns even positive things about you into flaws somehow, how there is, right under the surface, a near constant recording of – bad, bad, bad. Feeling into the intensity of that negative energy, and in equal proportion to that negativity – as the Psalm says, God will bring us joy in equal proportion to the years we suffered (Psalm 90:15) – in equal proportion to that negativity, feel God’s overflowing ken towards you, wrapping you up, celebrating you, affirming you, validating you, singing your praises and your not praises, even your quirks and mistakes, celebrating those, too, lifting you up and twirling you around and laughing with you the laughter of unconditional positive regard. No matter what you do, this divine force of ken, this yes, is on your team, supporting you and loving you into growth, into becoming your highest self, into singing your loudest song and dancing your wildest dance, into stepping forward and saying your piece before a skeptical audience of authorities who seem to have all the power on earth. But not really all the power. Because you always have the power of God saying ken inside you.
Yes Spreads
And this power of yes, you should know that it shares easily There is plenty of it to go around. When you take in God’s yes for yourself, you also take it in for others and reflect it back to them. Reclaiming your voice and power is never a selfish act, but always generous and generative, radiating out empowerment and celebration in all directions. That’s what the daughters of Tzelafchad have done for us right here.
I want to close by inviting you to let that divine ken, that yes, reverberate once more all through your bones and cells. It is energy, life affirming energy that surges through you, supportive energy that delights in you and encourages you to live into yourself and your voice. Ken, yes, you’re doing great, feel the power of that ken as it nods and smiles at each part of you. Let yourself receive this yes from God, enter into it like a warm bath.
Image by Jill Wellington at Pexels
