׆ וַיְהִ֛י בִּנְסֹ֥עַ הָאָרֹ֖ן וַיֹּ֣אמֶר מֹשֶׁ֑ה קוּמָ֣ה ׀ יְהֹוָ֗ה וְיָפֻ֙צוּ֙ אֹֽיְבֶ֔יךָ וְיָנֻ֥סוּ מְשַׂנְאֶ֖יךָ מִפָּנֶֽיךָ׃
וּבְנֻחֹ֖ה יֹאמַ֑ר שׁוּבָ֣ה יְהֹוָ֔ה רִֽבְב֖וֹת אַלְפֵ֥י יִשְׂרָאֵֽל׃ ׆
When the ark would set out, Moshe would say: Arise, O God! And Your enemies will be scattered and Your haters will flee before You.
And when the ark would come to rest, he would say: Return, O God, the myriads of thousands of Israel.
(Numbers 10:35-36)
As you can see above, this passage is surrounded on either side by the inverted letter nun, looking something like parentheses, setting the passage off from the rest of the parsha. The rabbis say that this little passage does not belong here, and that it was placed here in order to break up between one puranut, one calamity, and the next one (Rashi on Numbers 10:35). Indeed, the whole book of Bamidbar, of the desert experience, is one of complaint after complaint by the people, mistake after mistake, followed in each case by God’s anger and punishment, continual crisis and devastation. In the midst of all of that difficulty, we find this bracketed passage, this alternative sacred space, an oasis in the midst of the desert, much like the meditative prayer space we can enter in the midst of the swirling troubles of our personal and collective lives.
Entering the Brackets
So I invite you to imagine that you are now entering a little bracketed sanctuary of time, much like the bracketed passage in our parsha, perhaps even envisioning the backwards nuns as brackets or gates that you can enter into, walking through those gates and entering another zone, a place of divine access and possibility, tucked away for the moment from the things that trouble you in this world, as if you are given a glimpse of an alternative universe that exists right alongside ours or perhaps buried deep inside it. Letting go for this moment of the puranut, of all the tribulation, still happening on the other side of these gates and letting yourself relax into this protected womb-like enclosure.
Rest and Movement
Our passage has two parts. The first involves movement – when the ark began to travel, then Moshe would call out – kumah Hashem, arise O God. And the second part involves rest – when the ark would come to rest, then Moshe would call out – shuvah, Hashem, return O God. Travel and rest, arising and returning. So the first thing to notice as we enter this oasis is that there is in it a sense of balance between movement and rest, workday and shabbat, active engagement and relaxation. This is the sacred balance of forces which we experience with each breath. On the inhale, we expand and become activated, and on the exhale, we return and relax and rest. One has a kumah, an arising, energy, and the other has a shuvah, a returning energy.
Part I: Arise, O God!
And now I want to zero in and focus on each of these two aspects in turn. First, kumah Hashem. Arise, O God. This is empowerment, a force beyond us that gives us strength even when we have none. Arise, O God, we call out – arise, the divine power in me, lend me your strength, flow through me so I can rise up from where I have fallen, so that I can rise up like a lion, fierce and bold. Kumi ori ki va orekh we say in the Friday night prayer Lechah Dodi – “arise and shine for your light has come”. Arise and shine your light, your full divine power. Feel that light and power, a fierce energy of assertiveness and courage to face what comes your way, feel how that flows through you, how it energizes you and emboldens you, the power of God in you.
Scattering the Haters
You can face anything now. Bring em on. And that is indeed what the next part of the verse speaks of: before this arisen power of God, no foes can stand – veyafutzu oyvekha veyanusu misanekha mipanekha – all those foes and haters scatter and flee from before the immensity, the sheer force of this divine power. There is not even any fighting mentioned here. They see this power, they feel it and they scatter and turn around. The arisen power itself does the job. When we call on God inside us – Kumah Hashem – a fierce power flows through us as we stride forth, and the arrows aimed towards us fall naturally by the wayside. Nothing can touch us.
Internal Scattering or Separation
This arisen power is helpful in the outside world, and it is also helpful on the inside, when we are being attacked by internal haters, all the internal voices that knock us down and defeat us and make us doubt ourselves, that call us stupid and pathetic and disempower us at every turn, causing us to collapse in despair and immobility, lying helpless on the ground. Kumah Hashem, we can say. No way will I just collapse before such self hatred and aggression. Kumah Hashem. Arise O God. Arise my highest power. I have strength and power. I am not my own inner critics no matter how true they feel nor am I the fragile, helpless collapsed one on the ground, though I love her and will return to her once I separate and regain my power. No, I am none of these. I am the power of Kumah Hashem. I am the puffed up chest of my inhale, I am the expansive sky, I am a divine warrior, a fierce lion. Kumi ori. Arise my light and shine. I am the arisen divine in me. I am the powerful light that breaks all darkness. That is who I am. And in the face of that power, all the other voices scatter. It’s not that we defeat them or get rid of them. What we do is separate from them, scatter them. The power of arising is a power of differentiation, that first power of havdalah, of separation, that God brought into the universe with creation. It is the power of saying – I am not them. Arise, O God, arise o divine self in me, veyafutzu oyvekha, and your enemies will be scattered – help me to unblend, to differentiate, to remember who I really am. Those other voices are misanekha, filled with sinah, hatred, on the inside and the outside, so much hatred sometimes. Haters gonna hate, but you have a divine power in you that is the opposite of hatred, and when that power is arisen inside you, you are indomitable and all forces of hatred fall before you, as darkness is shattered by light.
Part 2: Return, O God!
We might think that would be enough, to simply scatter the dark shards, to separate from the haters and become strong, to inhale and puff up and call forth our highest self. But no, the next step, too, is crucial, the step of shuvah, of return and integration, not just to separate but to return, to turn again towards it all and come back into relationship with your own lost parts. Shuvah, Hashem, revivot alfei yisrael. Return O God, the myriads of thousands of Israel. Return to them, return them back to you, welcome them back in. In this second step, the many other voices outside of us are no longer haters and enemies but have become precious parts of us, an abundance that we treasure, the multitudes of Israel, of ourselves. It’s not the haters exactly that we welcome back in, but the fear and sadness that lies underneath that hatred as well as the ones who were hurt or lost because of it, the vulnerable ones. Once we have re-empowered, we say – Come back in now. It’s safe here. I’m in charge. You won’t be hurt anymore. Shuvah. Return.
All the Lost Little Children
This is the second motion we can practice inside and outside of us. First we arise in our power and separate from all those difficult forces and emotions. And then once we have re-established ourselves in our separateness and in our power, we invite them all back in. This, too, is a divine power we are given, the power of return. Shuvah Hashem, God, grant us the power of return, to turn again now towards ourselves and each other, to gather them all in, to gather in all the frightened fragile angry parts of ourselves and others. Some of them manifested as hatred, but they are not ultimately hatred, but rejected parts of us. And we welcome them back now. They are lost little children, thousands, millions of lost little children inside us and all around the world, so many shards of pain and longing and vulnerability and fear in this world, and some of it inside us. Can you feel how all of that is begging for love, for rest, for a home, begging to be let in? We have to separate from it first so that we don’t fall prey to it or collude with it, so that we have a separate power, but we do that separation and self empowerment ultimately for the sake of return, for the sake of calling them back in with love. We cannot offer them anything if we are enmeshed with them, if we have collapsed into their despair and hatred and fear and anger. So we separate, we cut the cord and rise into ourselves, and then we call them lovingly back in.
Shuvah. Return now. Turning now, in your highest power, in your arisen light, towards all the parts of you and the world that are hurting or hating or frightened or fragile right now, turning towards them with open arms of welcome and return – “Come, now. Come, tell me your story. Let me feel your pain. Come home.” You in your arisen power are a warm lap upon which they can sit and be held and healed. They are little, so many needy little ones, and you hold them all on your lap and embrace them, loving them as the precious gems of your abundance, each one a treasure. Come now, little ones. Sit here with me.
Both Motions
We can practice these two motions whenever we are activated. Separate and then welcome, re-integrate, be in relation with. First, kumah Hashem – calling on God to help us arise in our own highest power, to separate from the fray, from the collapse and the self hatred, and to re-empower, to remember who we are. And then from that strong arisen place, to turn or return back in love to those who need us, inside and outside, and to offer them a safe haven inside us. Instead of falling into the emotion of the part or child or friend who is distressed, we separate, we differentiate, we cut the cord and arise in our power, not to stay separate, but on the contrary, in order to properly return in love, in order to be in relationship. We can only say – come, come in, my child, if we have a strong separate home, if we have a spacious lap for them to sit upon.
To “Stop” The Devastation
This is the road of healing, lehafsik – to stop, to put the breaks on, all the puranut, the tribulation, inside and outside us. It is the secret sauce of healing buried in this desert book. We call on God’s powers of arising and returning again and again. We awaken those divine powers inside ourselves and ask God to offer us support as we grow in our capacity first to separate and empower ourselves and then to return with love to those who need us.
With each breath, setting that intention: On the inhale –– kumah Hashem – arise O God, arise my divine power, let me be the sky, let me be the light, and not fall into the darkness. And on the exhale – shuvah hashem – return O God, let me be your force of return, of integration, of welcoming back home and holding all that needs holding. Kumah – becoming large. And Shuvah – returning to hold the little ones, to be the lap they can rest in. Doing it all together with God, calling on God’s assistance, becoming a partner in the divine healing that is always wanting and waiting to happen. May it be so.
Photo from Pixabay
