When is the time that you believe that redemption could happen for you?
Always Tomorrow, We Think
For a lot of us, it is always tomorrow, always at some future imagined point when we are different from how we are now, when we are better, more in touch, more evolved, less restless, when we have more energy, when things are more settled, when this challenging situation resolves – when all of that happens, then I’ll be able to access God better or be at peace or finally achieve some sense of redemption and healing. Always later.
Now
Well, the Israelites in Egypt were notoriously at a pretty low spiritual level, and God came to tell them – hachodesh hazeh (Exodus 12:2) – still, friends, it’s going to happen “this month,” right now, exactly in the state you are currently in, as low as you are, it’s happening now anyway.
We are always surprised it can happen now. It’s a little like Yaakov with his intense experience of God in the ladder dream. He woke up the next morning and said: akhen yesh Hashem bamakom hazeh ve’anokhi lo yadati. Behold God is in hamakom hazeh, in this place, that same word, hazeh, “this,” and I, I did not know it (Genesis 28:16). God is right here. I had no idea. We think we have to go somewhere else, be some other way, when God is always in the zeh of this moment.
It is the essence of God’s nature, as the Shekhinah, to dwell in presence, in the present. It is something we perhaps know intellectually, but don’t fully internalize, that zeh, this moment right here, as we are, is always our access point, where we meet God, where connection and redemption and healing happen.
Trying It Right Now
Pausing here to sense where you are right now. Checking inside for any thoughts, feelings, body sensations, aches, pains and worries you are experiencing. What is this moment like for you? And then, just as you are, sensing that in this very state, there is still access to divine presence and healing and redemption. You are not a lost cause, no matter how stuck you feel. And you don’t have to be aggressive with yourself to try to shift so that God or Self Energy can emerge. Just as you are, accepting where you are, you can let God be with you. Nothing blocks God from this moment in you. Letting some of that divine healing energy of presence be with you in zeh, in this very moment. .
Anxiety Is About the Future and the Past
So much of our suffering comes from living in the past or the future, replaying old stories and traumas or worrying about future scenarios. Anxiety is generally some mix of past and future in our bodies; based on what happened in the past, we worry about what will happen in the future. Now we don’t need to demonize this kind of anxiety or work to shift out of it. It’s just another zeh experience that we can be present to. We can just return to this moment, checking how the anxiety or grief or anger or fatigue feels in our bodies and knowing that this moment is always the doorway, always the place of connection to Self and to God. Just this moment, just this breath, returning to ourselves, being present with our experience, no matter how painful or uncomfortable, knowing that zeh is where God is, where healing is, that there is always some comfort when we drop the overlay of past and future and return here now.
Hard For Us, Hard For Moshe
It’s not easy to do, to stay in the present. Concerning our parsha’s mitzvah of hachodesh hazeh, of blessing the new moon, Rashi says: nitkashe Moshe – Moshe struggled, it was hard for him (Rashi on Exodus 12:2). Perhaps this is what was hard – to learn to bless hazeh, to honor this moment. That’s how it is for us humans. We have so much resistance to being present, to leaning in and consecrating hachodesh hazeh, this place we are in right now. We have so many ways of not being fully present – we distract and analyze and tell stories and loop and argue and worry and judge and criticize and evaluate and fix – none of those are just being with things as they are, being with zeh.
The breath is a great anchor to the present, and it also shows us how difficult it is for us to stay focused on the present. You can try focusing your attention on your breath for a moment, on the sensation of air going in and out of your nostrils, noticing what comes up to keep you from staying with it, any resistance or distraction or efforting or commenting or evaluating. It’s so hard for us to stay present.
God Helps Us
Nitkasheh Moshe. Moshe, too, found it difficult. And so, Rashi goes on, God showed Moshe how to do it, pointing to the sliver of new moon with a finger, saying – kazeh ra’eh vekadesh, something like this, see it and sanctify it. God was teaching Moshe how to do it. We are not alone in our struggles. God is, in God’s own way, continually teaching and showing us, as it were “pointing with a finger,” offering us subtle signs and cues – perhaps through others or perhaps through our own deep knowing, through what feels good in our bodies – like this, my child, like this, see how that offers some comfort, how the anxiety releases when you come into presence with it, that’s how you do it. We are shown the way. Taking in the guidance and the sense of being cared for, the feeling of having a coach rooting for you.
First, Seeing It
Kazeh ra’eh vekadesh – whatever the zeh is, whatever is up in this moment, see it and sanctify it, God tells Moshe. Notice that the first step is seeing it, seeing whatever the zeh is for us in the moment. Often we are pretty blended with our experience. We think we are our anxiety or our depression or our anger. And so the first step is getting enough distance to see it – ra’eh – observe it, be aware of it. Even just this movement, from inside the experience to outside viewing it, makes a big difference, creating a little breathing space around it. Ah, I see how it is. Maybe some insight comes from this vantage point, too – I see you, doing your usual thing, worrying or judging or feeling so alone. I see you.
Then, Sanctifying It
And then kadesh – and then we sanctify it, we sanctify this moment, we honor it, we recognize that God is here, too, in zeh, in this experience, however pleasant or unpleasant. Maybe imagining God pointing to this experience of yours and saying to you – kazeh ra’eh vekadesh – exactly this kind of thing – see it and honor it. How can you sanctify this experience you are having right now,? How can you let God be present with you in it? You don’t have to change anything, just sensing the sanctity of this precious moment. There is kedushah, holiness, right here.
Joy
Zeh hayom asah Hashem nagilah venishmichah bo, we say in Hallel. This is the day that God has made, let us exult and rejoice in it (Psalm 118:24). That word zeh again. This day, today. God made this day for you, made you alive for this day, for this month, hachodesh hazeh. So much can be happening around us, so much worry and dread, and yet, there can still be joy in this moment when we enter into it fully. God has blessed you with this day to live into, nagilah venishmichah bo, let us rejoice in it, in the zeh, in our presence to each experience, to the sounds and smells and sights in all their vibrancy, and to our changing emotions in all their vitality. Even when they are difficult, our presence and our awareness of divine presence can bring us comfort and joy, the joy of simply being alive in God’s world in this precious moment and the joy of being here together, nothing to change, each of us as we are, resting together in God’s presence.
