וְהִנֵּ֤ה הַסְּנֶה֙ בֹּעֵ֣ר בָּאֵ֔שׁ וְהַסְּנֶ֖ה אֵינֶ֥נּוּ אֻכָּֽל׃
Behold, there was a bush all aflame, yet the bush was not consumed.
(Exodus 3:2)
This burning bush, which Moshe saw in his first encounter with God, as part of a call to redeem the people from Egypt – what did its fire represent? Suffering, the raging suffering of the Israelites in Egypt. We, too, sometimes have such fires burning inside us in our emotional suffering, in the intensity and activation of our worry, fear, hurt, rage, anxiety or despair, in the ways that these emotions sometimes threaten to overwhelm and consume us.
An angel of God appeared to Moshe from within the fire, and such an angel wants to appear to us, too, when we are in the midst of this type of suffering. This angel wants to show us what he showed Moshe. Look, the angel says: the fires are raging inside you, but you are not consumed by them. There is more to you than this fire. When you feel flooded by these raging emotions, you think there is nothing else, but that is not true. You are not defined by these fires. They are a part of you, but you are more than them. There is an essence to you that is always beyond their touch, that is always calm and steady despite the swirling fires. No matter how much you have suffered in the past or are currently suffering, no matter how low you sink, even if you feel you are damaged beyond repair, that the fires of life have ravaged you, eaten you up and spit you out less than whole, still there is a place in you that remains untouched, that remains undamaged. The fires of life cannot entirely consume you, because you are more than that.
The Still Point at the Center
This angel who is speaking to you, he (or she) is speaking to you from labat esh, from the lev, the “heart” of the fire,” from its center. It is at this centerpoint of the fire, at this centerpoint of the raging emotion, at its perfectly balanced midpoint, that there is total and utter stillness. All around there is motion and change and intensity and swirling fires of emotion, but right in the middle, all is quiet and calm.
This point in the center of the fire is like the eye of the storm. Hurricane winds, pounding rain, fierce hale, all around, and right in its center, clear skies and total stillness. This eye of the storm is your I – who you really are, your true essence. It may be covered up by flames and howling winds, but it is always there. It is your Shabbat sanctuary, a place of perfect peace and rest, your nekudah penimit, your inner point of connection to the One whose name is Shalom, “Peace.” The angel showed Moshe this place so that he could return to it when he needed to in the fierce storms that lay ahead, and we, too, are shown so that we can learn to return to it again and again in our lives.
Feeling Both At Once
There are two elements here, the fire and the unconsumed bush, the raging winds and the still point in its midst, and these two elements – Moshe didn’t see them separately, but together, in one image. Perhaps that is the key to our own emotional health, the ability to experience both at the same time, both the fire and the stillness, both the broken parts and our pure undamaged essence, both the throbbing, aching, raging energy and the energy of peace. We are so often flipping back and forth between these two ways of being, sometimes activated and sometimes calm in a way that seemingly forgets or erases the existence of those difficult emotions. To learn to inhabit both experiences at once, to be the burning bush, yes burning, but also not consumed, also aware of our still point, feels like a place of healing, a place where the two energies can touch each other and get to know each other, where they can develop a relationship, and perhaps begin to interpenetrate and infuse each other, so that we can become balanced, integrated and whole.
“Called” to Wholeness
This experience Moshe had, this was an experience of being called, of being summoned into a mission. The mission ultimately was one of national redemption, and it seems that in order to facilitate this redemptive mission, Moshe needed to first be called to become fully himself, to redeem the fullness of his own being, to learn to inhabit this larger Self.
So it makes sense that God calls him by name, not once, but twice, as if asking him to go further and further into who he is, calling him into relationship with his innermost self – Moshe, Moshe, God calls. Be Moshe, not just the Moshe of the fire, but also the Moshe of the quiet still voice in the innermost point of your Self. I am calling you to that place, calling you to go deeper, calling you to know your essence, your true nature. If we listen carefully, perhaps, within the fires of our daily lives, we, too, can hear such a call, a personal call, God speaking our names, twice, in love, asking us to go deeper into ourselves, to come closer to the point where we can meet the divine inside us.
And maybe when we hear this call, maybe we can respond as Moshe did: Hineni, “Here I am.” Here I am ready to answer your call, ready to know myself in this way, ready to touch this inner point and inhabit it, to evolve into living in that place more and more so that it radiates outwards and infuses all my actions – all the energy of doing and passion in my fiery emotions – gradually becoming more fully myself by living and acting from this quiet inner place inside me, and letting that radiate outwards. Hineni. Here I am, a whole person, fire as well as stillness, stillness as well as fire.
Redemption for Ourselves and Others
And maybe part of the mission Moshe and we are called to is to help other people also find this untouched point of peace inside themselves, to help others know that is their essence. Moshe needed to be able to see the Israelites this way. They were downtrodden and miserable, not just physically damaged, but also spiritually. Surely they thought of themselves as lowly, as lowly as the thorn bush, unworthy of redemption. Part of the redemption had to involve being able to see and help them see their own wholeness, to see the point inside each of them that was in fact still undamaged, to help them know that, no matter how far they have sunk, how much trauma they have experienced, how damaged they feel, there is still a point inside them that remains pure and unscathed, unconsumed by the fire. Finding this point, helping them see it and feel it and know it, this, too was part of their redemption, and is part of our daily redemption, a return to Self and to wholeness.
We are not our fires. We are the burning bush that cannot be consumed.
I give thanks to the God who calls to me through the fire and who shows me the still inner point in its midst.
Image is of Pixar “Inside Out” character Anger
