(This is a summary, in essay form, of the meditation of the same name)
וַיִּתְרֹֽצְצ֤וּ הַבָּנִים֙ בְּקִרְבָּ֔הּ וַתֹּ֣אמֶר אִם־כֵּ֔ן לָ֥מָּה זֶּ֖ה אָנֹ֑כִי וַתֵּ֖לֶךְ לִדְרֹ֥שׁ אֶת־ה’׃
[His wife Rivka conceived.] But the children struggled inside her. And she said, if so, why do I exist? She went to seek the Lord. (Genesis 25:22).
Part I: וַיִּתְרֹֽצְצ֤וּ הַבָּנִים֙ בְּקִרְבָּ֔הּ The children struggled inside her.
Vayetrotzetzu comes from the root ratz, to run. Two entities were running around inside her in different directions. Rashi says one twin would push to come out at the doorways to Torah learning, and one twin would push to come out at the houses of idolatry. Rivka was torn apart by these conflicting pulls.
Who are your inner twins, the parts of you that are in conflict, constantly pulling you in different directions? Feel the frenetic, restless anxious energy of running in many directions.
Part II: וַתֹּ֣אמֶר אִם־כֵּ֔ן לָ֥מָּה זֶּ֖ה אָנֹ֑כִי — She said: If so, why do I exist?
Caught in these conflicting and competing demands for our time and energy, we can easily enter a state of overwhelm and hopelessness, as Rivka did. Life is too hard; it is impossible to do everything, to bear it all. How am I supposed to live like this? Why, God? Why me? Why like this?
Feel the quitting, giving up energy here, akin to a suicidal impulse; we have descended into the hole of despair, a state of utter collapse.
Part III. וַתֵּ֖לֶךְ לִדְרֹ֥שׁ אֶת־ה’׃ — She went to seek God
It is not easy to shift out of this state of collapse; the system is used to going there and staying there, getting stuck. Shiting requires the mobilization of resources — vatelekh — she went; she set out; she mobilized herself to make a shift; she said: This time, just this time, I am going to do something different.
Rivka re-energized her system by attuning to her deepest desire — underneath all of those wanting parts pushing in a million directions; under all that, what really matters to me? What do I really want?
Ahat sha’alti — really, only one thing do I ask for — divine connection.
Rivka found inside her, right there under and inside of all of those other suffering parts, the biggest yearning, seeking of all — for her soul to reconnect to its source. In finding this place of desire, all systems inside us relax; we are now one united, focused being again.
And what we discover when we get in touch with this drisha, this seeking, is that God is right there waiting for us, already present in the seeking itself. Look and you shall find. Ask and you shall be answered.
God spoke to Rivka immediately, and what God told her was this — that both of those twins — all the parts inside you — they are all meant to be there; don’t get rid of any of them; let them fight; that’s what they need to do; but just know that there is something much wider to hold them all, to welcome them all into a giant field of acceptance — divine presence — what Yitzhak later in this parsha will refer to as Rehovot, expansiveness, what we call in Hallel merhav Yah, the expansiveness of the Lord.
Invite all your parts into this open field, the restless running parts and the despair as well. You thought, like Rivka, that you couldn’t “bear” them, but, with God’s help, glimpse the possibility that maybe you can.
