Yaakov dreams of a ladder with angels going up and down on it to heaven, and God standing above, protecting him and caring for him.
What strikes me about this image is how individual it is. Avraham dealt with grand visions of a future people as numerous as the stars. He is av hamon goyim, the father of many nations. Yaakov, though, Yaakov, at least here, is just a little guy trying to survive and find a place for himself in this rough and tumble world. His vision is personal, intimate, exactly what he needs to hear — that God cares about one little guy and what happens to him.
Yaakov has reason to believe that he doesn’t deserve God’s care. He has not been a very upstanding character, cheating his brother and running away from the anger he caused. We can imagine what he feels — that he is a castout, a reject, a nothing, that he doesn’t deserve either kindness or protection.
We are sometimes in this place. We are disappointed in ourselves; we are running away from our mistakes; we have messed things up and are trying to escape. And in those moments, we may wonder whether we even deserve this life, whether we may have forfeited our right to God’s love and care, whether it even makes sense for God to care about one little person like us, with all our problems. In the larger scheme of things, it seems to us that we do not really matter. There is a world full of such individuals, many more talented and worthwhile than we are. Really, why should God care? Why should we matter at all to Him? Do we really matter?
There is something in this text that answers a resounding yes to this question of individual mattering: Yes! You, as an individual, do matter! The Torah portrays a world in which God does care about a single person, no matter how messed up. Yaakov does not need to DESERVE this care. He may feel that he should, that he does need to earn it; indeed, he seems a little insecure about it, making a deal — if You protect me, God, then I will do such and such in return, as if God would only do it for the sake of such a vow. But God doesn’t make such deals. He offers the care for FREE, no strings attached. There is no earning it or deserving it. God is just standing there, breathing life into us, in and out, in and out, like the angels going up and down on the ladder. God is steadfast with Yaakov, and steadfast with us. We feel insecure, but He is always there. We can’t lose Him or become unworthy of this care.
This feels like an essential message, one we can’t hear often enough and one that needs to really sink in for us to live fully, for us to be lifted optimistically and securely into action, as Yaakov was after this encounter (Vayisa Yaakov et raglav). The message is: God is standing above you right now, looking out for you, protecting you, standing by you, sending His angels of love in the form of the exhale and inhale, the in and out and the up and down of the divine breath of life that pulses through you. We have not earned this breath; we do not deserve this life or this love. They are free gifts, and importantly, they are given to each one of us as an individual.
At this moment, God deems it good that you in particular should live and breathe and be taken care of. You in particular, not just general humanity. God is looking down on you — just you in all your craziness and specialness — and smiling and sending you life and love and care. Soak it in.
